Friday, October 9, 2009

growing up..

don't get my last post wrong.
i am very much ready, and excited, and happy, and very much in love.

sometimes, growing up, is just hard.
i have had many places in my life which have made me "grow up"
all of these which have made me the person i am today.

i sometimes just wonder where i would be without having those experiences.
where would i be if i listened to everyone, and waited till my junior to study abroad.
what if i didn't go to ghana
what if i went to a bigger school instead of a smaller one
what if i didn't ditch the group of people i was hanging out with freshmen year, and started hanging out with my best friends?

I am just so curious as to what my little decisions in my everyday life amount too?
how do people here at school perceive me?
how do people walking on the street perceive me?

i wish there was an app on my iPhone that could let me call God.
i really need to talk to him..
(I know I know you are thinking well pray)
yes, i do, i just need him to talk back to me.
i am being a selfish little baby..
i don't want to be patient
i don't want to search for the signs
i need him to talk to me. now please.

well, i haven't slept much lately
i have had 3 test this week.
one which ended up in tears.

i made my big decision that i had been stressing over..
i feel at peace about it..
where would i be if i didn't make that decision...

sorry for complaining..

MaKenna "imabigbabydramaqueen" Whitehead

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"how do people here at school perceive me?"

Beautiful. Not just pretty, but beautiful. Anyone who pays any attention at all can see what an amazing woman of God you are, and anyone who pays that attention can also see the deliberate work that's gone into making that happen. All those little decisions were little tiny pieces of a magnificent picture-YOU. A wonderful daughter of the Lord.

It is frustrating to look back and think, "what if?" or "what did that choice really affect?" but what you can't forget is the truly incredible person you've become as a result of all of those choices adding up.

You, the person you've become, are the type of person that is more of a light for the Lord than you will likely ever realize; you're someone that your peers, the girls on your dorm floor, and other's you meet admire and quietly watch for an example of what a Christian woman should be. Don't you dare doubt that.